A Letter to You
It's been years since we've slept together or been together. I think about you every day. Some days it's a thought about the way you refer to yourself in third person, other days it's something more intimate, the smooth feel of the skin on your stomach, that little crevice between your lips and your thigh, the way your legs twitched when you came.
So many days there are things I've wanted to share with you, but as was the case in our whole relationship and in the years I wanted you from a far, I have not shared them with you. My fear is that the things I think about, or have felt over the years are feelings that neither of us can act on. I could share these things with you, but to what end? Remember the day we had my mini-bachelor party and watched those movies? To this day I'm not sure if you were naked under that long black dress, but I'm pretty sure you were. Something else I've never told you because there is nothing that can come out of the information, when we danced at my wedding, I got throbbing hard and very excited Definitely one of the most mixed-up emotional moments of my life, I guess the body never forgets. You looked beautiful in that black dress, I always thought you'd wear red. You always looked seductive in red.
There were many things that we did not get to share, and many wonderful things that we did. Not before or since have I had a lover as exciting, enticing, and passionate as you. What we did not get to share was time together other doing the little things in life. I often wonder what that would've been like, do you ever think about that or have you moved on?
There we so many moments that we did share, but the way it ended I never got closure or felt that what I told you was the whole truth. You asked me that night we made love what it was about you that I didn't like. After years of reflection on why you asked the question and what it meant for you to ask the question, I realize that my answer was not totally honest. What you were asking me was why didn't I choose you over the woman who became my wife? What you wanted to know was how come not you? I realize now the answer I gave you then was one of behaviors and not why I chose her. At the time, I followed how I felt and what I thought my life would become if I stayed with her. During a hike in the Grand Canyon I had plenty of time to think about what my life would become with you or with her. I know that I've never shared the truth of why I chose her. Part of it was financial security, part of it was feeling I owed her, and part of it was I felt I could lead my double life with her much easier than with you. I have always been sexually curious about all kinds of sex, and with her I knew that I could get away with exploring that sexuality - since most of those explorations did not involve her. As crazy and misguided as it will sound, I would not have been able to do that with you. You are a special woman who needs attention, attention that I knew in my heart I could not give you. I did not want to cheat you of that kind of attention and I did not want to lead my double life with you as the primary partner.
As years have passed and I have explored some of my sexual curiosities, there are more that I want to explore and I know that I can not explore them with my wife. I'm not sure that I can explore them with you either, but I do know there are a few things we discussed that we never go to do. We never got to make love in a movie theater, outdoors under the stars, or in the pool outside my apartment. You never got to watch me masturbate for you. There are other fantasies that I have which I gave up when I made my choice, but I think you would go for.
There were several things that we did do that I will never forget, and can still feel to this day. I'm thankful for the time we spent together, and sorry that we could not continue it or have started it years before.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Looking back on the past 20 years, I can tell when I've had my highs and lows and it put some clarity on my life and some of the times of struggle I had. As I look back at when I've contacted you over the past 10 years, I realize it was always at the bottom of my lows or as I was coming out of a funk. It is amazing how hearing from you always improved my mood and outlook on life. For this I thank you.
I'm not sure what to expect when I come to your house next week for lunch, but I'm open for whatever happens. If I was ever fortunate enough to sleep with you again, it would only open up feelings, very strong feelings that I've buried for years. I must be crazy to think that you'd do that again, especially after how we ended the last affair. As with most of our relationship, I'll sit quietly and hit on you to mask how it is I really feel about you.
I will always be in love with you. It is not easy to do this from a distance, but I'm better at being in love with you from a distance than I am at being in love up close. For this, I hope that you can forgive me.
Love, Gio
So many days there are things I've wanted to share with you, but as was the case in our whole relationship and in the years I wanted you from a far, I have not shared them with you. My fear is that the things I think about, or have felt over the years are feelings that neither of us can act on. I could share these things with you, but to what end? Remember the day we had my mini-bachelor party and watched those movies? To this day I'm not sure if you were naked under that long black dress, but I'm pretty sure you were. Something else I've never told you because there is nothing that can come out of the information, when we danced at my wedding, I got throbbing hard and very excited Definitely one of the most mixed-up emotional moments of my life, I guess the body never forgets. You looked beautiful in that black dress, I always thought you'd wear red. You always looked seductive in red.
There were many things that we did not get to share, and many wonderful things that we did. Not before or since have I had a lover as exciting, enticing, and passionate as you. What we did not get to share was time together other doing the little things in life. I often wonder what that would've been like, do you ever think about that or have you moved on?
There we so many moments that we did share, but the way it ended I never got closure or felt that what I told you was the whole truth. You asked me that night we made love what it was about you that I didn't like. After years of reflection on why you asked the question and what it meant for you to ask the question, I realize that my answer was not totally honest. What you were asking me was why didn't I choose you over the woman who became my wife? What you wanted to know was how come not you? I realize now the answer I gave you then was one of behaviors and not why I chose her. At the time, I followed how I felt and what I thought my life would become if I stayed with her. During a hike in the Grand Canyon I had plenty of time to think about what my life would become with you or with her. I know that I've never shared the truth of why I chose her. Part of it was financial security, part of it was feeling I owed her, and part of it was I felt I could lead my double life with her much easier than with you. I have always been sexually curious about all kinds of sex, and with her I knew that I could get away with exploring that sexuality - since most of those explorations did not involve her. As crazy and misguided as it will sound, I would not have been able to do that with you. You are a special woman who needs attention, attention that I knew in my heart I could not give you. I did not want to cheat you of that kind of attention and I did not want to lead my double life with you as the primary partner.
As years have passed and I have explored some of my sexual curiosities, there are more that I want to explore and I know that I can not explore them with my wife. I'm not sure that I can explore them with you either, but I do know there are a few things we discussed that we never go to do. We never got to make love in a movie theater, outdoors under the stars, or in the pool outside my apartment. You never got to watch me masturbate for you. There are other fantasies that I have which I gave up when I made my choice, but I think you would go for.
There were several things that we did do that I will never forget, and can still feel to this day. I'm thankful for the time we spent together, and sorry that we could not continue it or have started it years before.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Looking back on the past 20 years, I can tell when I've had my highs and lows and it put some clarity on my life and some of the times of struggle I had. As I look back at when I've contacted you over the past 10 years, I realize it was always at the bottom of my lows or as I was coming out of a funk. It is amazing how hearing from you always improved my mood and outlook on life. For this I thank you.
I'm not sure what to expect when I come to your house next week for lunch, but I'm open for whatever happens. If I was ever fortunate enough to sleep with you again, it would only open up feelings, very strong feelings that I've buried for years. I must be crazy to think that you'd do that again, especially after how we ended the last affair. As with most of our relationship, I'll sit quietly and hit on you to mask how it is I really feel about you.
I will always be in love with you. It is not easy to do this from a distance, but I'm better at being in love with you from a distance than I am at being in love up close. For this, I hope that you can forgive me.
Love, Gio
posted by Juan Giovanni at 11:27 PM
1 comments
