It's Been A While....
Hello fellow bloggers, and those who actually read my page. It's been quite a while since I've sat down to write anything...well over a month and even then it was a posting from a friend.
For me life has not seemed all that happy lately. Not sure what's causing it, but the happiness is just not there. I have a loving wife, two wonderful kids and a great paying job, yet something just seems to be missing from my life. The religious few of you on the web will say that the lord can fill that gap, but the emptiness and unhappiness I feel can't be filled by the lord (that is a completely different post...).
Looking back on life, I've had other tough times in my life like this. Must be my depression kicking in. I changed my blood pressure meds a few months back along with my job at work and the two seem to have combined for some miserable feeling times. The upside is my blood pressure is the lowest it's been in 5 years. The downside is I think it's coming at the cost of me feeling miserable. I usually feel better after writing on here for a while, hopefully this time won't be any different.
My unhappiness has leaked over into other parts of my life. I picked a couple of fights with my wife yesterday for virtually no reason at all. Yeah it seems that there isn't much she thinks I do right with the kids, she doesn't pick up the house as much as I'd like, I don't get much free time to myself, but that is not reason for me to unload on her like I did. Deep down I suppose I don't feel completely appreciated or loved or wanted and from time to time I need to have that. If I don't say anything and let it bottle up, we both get the fun and joy of a day like yesterday. Funny part is I slept better last night than I have in a few months, that is until my littlest one woke up at 5:30. Seems he wanted to watch Bear in the Big Blue House and see if Ojo was awake...yeah, I told him Ojo didn't wake up for a few more hours. So at 6:30 we were on our 2nd eppisode, thank god for TiVo....
Today I felt a little better, I spent most of the day inside because summers in Texas are just a little too hot for my liking. How do I handle the heat you ask? I do like all you people who live in frozen wastelands, I hibernate indoors until it cools off. If I have to go outside, I make sure I have plenty of water and/or I'm out on the water somewhere.
I not looking forward to this week, then again I am. I've gotten a new project at work with a lot of high visibility with little or no support in terms of people or funding. In spite of those odds, me and my 1 direct report have managed to get quite a bit done and run projects nobody thought we'd have done. We're going world wide with some programs later this month and have been able to line up requests that were before untouchable. This week we go before the big bosses to present our pitch to get more engineers or be reassigned to help other suffering groups. It's been a long 5 months for me with this stuff, I'm used to getting my way and don't take lightly being put in a tough unwinnable position. On top of that I have a new boss who loves to micromanage, yet offers nothing of value. It's been a long haul, but this week should give me more of an indication of what my next two years will be like. If things do not go my way this week or next, it'll be time to find a different spot inside the company. Not a fun place to be in, especially with how I've been feeling.
To add fuel to the fire, I have not been able to get in enough golf. Part of what I think added to my rant on the wife. She has a tough job raising the two little ones, but she gets more breaks than she thinks she does. I'd just like a few of those. Tough thing for me is in order to play golf I have to give up time with the little ones. Funny how that is a big thing in my life...seems silly and not that important, but everybody needs an outlet and right now I'm not getting to mine. To help with the outlet, we both joined the gym. Thus all the 'breaks' she's been getting. As for me, the 1 class I'd like to take it Monday's at 7:30 which falls on the kids bedtimes. So much for her promise of we'll make it work. We'll work it out though...and I'll get some more time for golf. In a year or two my oldest will be able to head out with me and it'll be a joy to take her with me.
Enough ranting for one time. I know several of you have things in your life which are more serious than my problems, but I thank you for taking the time to read. Say a few prayers for my friend Opal and Sadistic. Sadistic has just started chemo for leukemia and it'll be a long haul for him. He has somebody strong by his side and good doctors and nurses so hopefully he'll come through this.
Take care and enjoy every moment you can. Gio
For me life has not seemed all that happy lately. Not sure what's causing it, but the happiness is just not there. I have a loving wife, two wonderful kids and a great paying job, yet something just seems to be missing from my life. The religious few of you on the web will say that the lord can fill that gap, but the emptiness and unhappiness I feel can't be filled by the lord (that is a completely different post...).
Looking back on life, I've had other tough times in my life like this. Must be my depression kicking in. I changed my blood pressure meds a few months back along with my job at work and the two seem to have combined for some miserable feeling times. The upside is my blood pressure is the lowest it's been in 5 years. The downside is I think it's coming at the cost of me feeling miserable. I usually feel better after writing on here for a while, hopefully this time won't be any different.
My unhappiness has leaked over into other parts of my life. I picked a couple of fights with my wife yesterday for virtually no reason at all. Yeah it seems that there isn't much she thinks I do right with the kids, she doesn't pick up the house as much as I'd like, I don't get much free time to myself, but that is not reason for me to unload on her like I did. Deep down I suppose I don't feel completely appreciated or loved or wanted and from time to time I need to have that. If I don't say anything and let it bottle up, we both get the fun and joy of a day like yesterday. Funny part is I slept better last night than I have in a few months, that is until my littlest one woke up at 5:30. Seems he wanted to watch Bear in the Big Blue House and see if Ojo was awake...yeah, I told him Ojo didn't wake up for a few more hours. So at 6:30 we were on our 2nd eppisode, thank god for TiVo....
Today I felt a little better, I spent most of the day inside because summers in Texas are just a little too hot for my liking. How do I handle the heat you ask? I do like all you people who live in frozen wastelands, I hibernate indoors until it cools off. If I have to go outside, I make sure I have plenty of water and/or I'm out on the water somewhere.
I not looking forward to this week, then again I am. I've gotten a new project at work with a lot of high visibility with little or no support in terms of people or funding. In spite of those odds, me and my 1 direct report have managed to get quite a bit done and run projects nobody thought we'd have done. We're going world wide with some programs later this month and have been able to line up requests that were before untouchable. This week we go before the big bosses to present our pitch to get more engineers or be reassigned to help other suffering groups. It's been a long 5 months for me with this stuff, I'm used to getting my way and don't take lightly being put in a tough unwinnable position. On top of that I have a new boss who loves to micromanage, yet offers nothing of value. It's been a long haul, but this week should give me more of an indication of what my next two years will be like. If things do not go my way this week or next, it'll be time to find a different spot inside the company. Not a fun place to be in, especially with how I've been feeling.
To add fuel to the fire, I have not been able to get in enough golf. Part of what I think added to my rant on the wife. She has a tough job raising the two little ones, but she gets more breaks than she thinks she does. I'd just like a few of those. Tough thing for me is in order to play golf I have to give up time with the little ones. Funny how that is a big thing in my life...seems silly and not that important, but everybody needs an outlet and right now I'm not getting to mine. To help with the outlet, we both joined the gym. Thus all the 'breaks' she's been getting. As for me, the 1 class I'd like to take it Monday's at 7:30 which falls on the kids bedtimes. So much for her promise of we'll make it work. We'll work it out though...and I'll get some more time for golf. In a year or two my oldest will be able to head out with me and it'll be a joy to take her with me.
Enough ranting for one time. I know several of you have things in your life which are more serious than my problems, but I thank you for taking the time to read. Say a few prayers for my friend Opal and Sadistic. Sadistic has just started chemo for leukemia and it'll be a long haul for him. He has somebody strong by his side and good doctors and nurses so hopefully he'll come through this.
Take care and enjoy every moment you can. Gio
posted by Juan Giovanni at 9:01 PM
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